your baby
Hi Jamie,
I'm sorry to be so long getting back to you; we've been baby-mooning. :-> Congratulations on your pregnancy!
----- Original Message -----
----- Original Message -----
From: Drew G.
Sent: Thursday, September 23, 2004 8:06 AM
Subject: your baby
> So, how do you think your home birth experience went?
Our birth experience was absolutely beautiful. That's not to say that it wasn't also absolutely normal - pain, shouting, and all - but it was extremely nice to be able to follow the cues of my body and my baby, which guided me unerringly moment to moment to the successful culmination of all our study and preparation, and to be able to share the entire experience with my husband/best friend/most apt partner. It was amazing to see our baby pass out of me safely into his daddy's hands, to be able to share those first moments together, just the three of us in our own home, and from what he tells me (and anyone else who asks :-D) it was just as amazing for Dude as it was for me.
> How is the baby?
He's very well, thank you for asking, in excellent health, growing at a rate of about one pound two ounces a week (keeping up proportionately in length and girth) and getting this world figured out a little.
> How are you?
I too am very well, thank you again for asking, also in excellent health and shrinking at a rate I find both reasonable and pleasing. And still working at getting this world figured out a little. :-D
> I am pregnant and unsure whether to have a home birth. Any suggestions from your personal experience?
> Sincerely,
> Jamie
Well of course, only you can decide if home birth is right for you, and I'd suggest having the full support of your partner and any caregivers you may hire. Also, my thoughts are offered not from the perspective of a medical or birthing professional, but from that of an experienced birth attendant and (now) home birther. In my opinion the most appropriate reason to choose home birth is the desire to take responsibility for the health of yourself and your baby in the birthing process.
First and most important in doing so (again in my opinion) is that you be both familiar and comfortable with the workings of your body. What you don't feel you know, learn, and what you can't learn, prepare for the best you can. For instance, if you haven't given birth before find out as much as possible about the process as it ought to go, as it usually goes, and anything that may indicate complications and the need for assistance - these things you can understand through knowledge - and prepare yourself for a great deal of pain - although you can't know what this birth will feel like until you're in the midst of it (even if you've given birth before, every pregnancy is as different as every baby and person), you can assess your ability to manage any pain you may have and learn ways you may be able to mitigate it. You may find that for you, as for some others, this birth is a painless process or nearly so. That was not my experience but knowing as I do the difference for me between pain that's appropriate, a normal part of some process, and pain that indicates that something is going wrong in my body I didn't expect a painless birth nor did I mind the pain I experienced. Hm... Well, that's not exactly what I mean. I dislike pain as much as the next person and it wasn't the most enjoyable part of our birth experience, but I've rarely found it to be unmanageable and generally choose to experience rather than mitigate it as I find it's messages to be valuable in knowing what's going on within my body. For instance, sixteen years ago I had an ectopic pregnancy. I realized in the second week that I was pregnant and that it was ectopic. I had my first doctor's appointment when the spotting started in the third week and one appointment a week for five weeks after that. The doctor performed pelvic exams and pregnancy tests each week, three urine and two blood tests, and each week told me I was not pregnant. In the eighth week when it ruptured, I was aware of that and knew when I needed to go to the hospital. Obviously, I came through relatively unscathed - the surgeon was kind to my then-twenty-year-old self and rather than taking the tube as was standard practice in a case like mine took the time to put in 450 stitches to repair it before stapling me back together - and all I have to show for the whole thing is a seven-inch scar across the bottom of my abdomen. It was the degree and type of pain I experienced in each moment that told me everything I needed to know throughout, so I tend to look upon natural pain as a dear friend who at least once saved my life. (I'm the first, however, to avoid unnatural pain, which is to say that which is intentionally either self-inflicted or invited from another. :-D) In any case, all that aside, pain is one of the elements of birth that you must be prepared to handle in a manner appropriate to your desires in deciding whether or not to birth at home. If you feel you'll want to manage it right out of the picture, you might try training in one or some of the more in-depth self-management tools such as hypno-birthing, and adding a regular exercise routine (if you're not already using one), especially something like yoga that helps you attune all aspects of your being at the same time as it strengthens and increases the flexibility of your body. (I have used neither but have heard good things about both, though I'll grant you that each has it's naysayers as well.) If you feel you'll want stronger management or light mitigation through drugs you'll need at least a midwife in attendance, and if you'll want strong to complete (epidural) mitigation home birth is not for you. You'll want to be at least in a birthing center and perhaps in a hospital.
Another thing to consider is that home birth is rarely a popular decision. It will, however, clearly define for you who your friends and loved ones are. Those who care about you and know you well enough to know that your choices are made as an adult and with full knowledge of the requirements and implications will, even if they don't support you (and most folks likely won't), respect your decision. Those who don't respect your decisions have only their own interests at heart but can and sometimes will go to great lengths to interfere (or as some like to spell it, 'inter{ject}FEAR') with your process and your life. Know your rights and where they're violated (if they are; many give birth at home without ever encountering a problem) be prepared to choose what you'll stand firm on and what you'll release wisely and with grace.
Lastly, unless you choose to go it entirely alone, have a partner you know intimately and trust implictly. If you choose (a) professional attendant(s), find someone with whose philosophy you agree and with whom you feel very comfortable. Part of the reason for many in choosing home birth is having a degree of autonomy not found in hospitals and birthing centers. It's pointless to do all the work and preparation it takes to go through with this experience only to invite into the process a midwife who believes in intervention first, for instance, or who ties one down with monitors and exams if that's part of what one is wishing to do away with in one's experience. Decide what you want, and find someone who will work with you within your parameters. Your practitioner (if you choose to have one) is there to facilitate your birth experience, even if that means just being available in the very unlikely event that something goes wrong. If that's the kind of practitioner you desire, find one who works that way, i.e. will arrive when you call him or her and be willing to sit around doing nothing at all unless you feel you need assistance. If, however, you'd prefer him or her to have a more active role, find someone who matches that criteria. Home birth or not, you're the one who's going to be doing all the work here, so you need to decide how you'd like that to go and plan your experience accordingly (keeping in mind that birth, like life, doesn't read scripts :-D).
I'd love to hear from you again. Please let me know how things go for you and your family, and again, congratulations! Best to you all, whatever you choose. Take good care.
Love
Our birth experience was absolutely beautiful. That's not to say that it wasn't also absolutely normal - pain, shouting, and all - but it was extremely nice to be able to follow the cues of my body and my baby, which guided me unerringly moment to moment to the successful culmination of all our study and preparation, and to be able to share the entire experience with my husband/best friend/most apt partner. It was amazing to see our baby pass out of me safely into his daddy's hands, to be able to share those first moments together, just the three of us in our own home, and from what he tells me (and anyone else who asks :-D) it was just as amazing for Dude as it was for me.
> How is the baby?
He's very well, thank you for asking, in excellent health, growing at a rate of about one pound two ounces a week (keeping up proportionately in length and girth) and getting this world figured out a little.
> How are you?
I too am very well, thank you again for asking, also in excellent health and shrinking at a rate I find both reasonable and pleasing. And still working at getting this world figured out a little. :-D
> I am pregnant and unsure whether to have a home birth. Any suggestions from your personal experience?
> Sincerely,
> Jamie
Well of course, only you can decide if home birth is right for you, and I'd suggest having the full support of your partner and any caregivers you may hire. Also, my thoughts are offered not from the perspective of a medical or birthing professional, but from that of an experienced birth attendant and (now) home birther. In my opinion the most appropriate reason to choose home birth is the desire to take responsibility for the health of yourself and your baby in the birthing process.
First and most important in doing so (again in my opinion) is that you be both familiar and comfortable with the workings of your body. What you don't feel you know, learn, and what you can't learn, prepare for the best you can. For instance, if you haven't given birth before find out as much as possible about the process as it ought to go, as it usually goes, and anything that may indicate complications and the need for assistance - these things you can understand through knowledge - and prepare yourself for a great deal of pain - although you can't know what this birth will feel like until you're in the midst of it (even if you've given birth before, every pregnancy is as different as every baby and person), you can assess your ability to manage any pain you may have and learn ways you may be able to mitigate it. You may find that for you, as for some others, this birth is a painless process or nearly so. That was not my experience but knowing as I do the difference for me between pain that's appropriate, a normal part of some process, and pain that indicates that something is going wrong in my body I didn't expect a painless birth nor did I mind the pain I experienced. Hm... Well, that's not exactly what I mean. I dislike pain as much as the next person and it wasn't the most enjoyable part of our birth experience, but I've rarely found it to be unmanageable and generally choose to experience rather than mitigate it as I find it's messages to be valuable in knowing what's going on within my body. For instance, sixteen years ago I had an ectopic pregnancy. I realized in the second week that I was pregnant and that it was ectopic. I had my first doctor's appointment when the spotting started in the third week and one appointment a week for five weeks after that. The doctor performed pelvic exams and pregnancy tests each week, three urine and two blood tests, and each week told me I was not pregnant. In the eighth week when it ruptured, I was aware of that and knew when I needed to go to the hospital. Obviously, I came through relatively unscathed - the surgeon was kind to my then-twenty-year-old self and rather than taking the tube as was standard practice in a case like mine took the time to put in 450 stitches to repair it before stapling me back together - and all I have to show for the whole thing is a seven-inch scar across the bottom of my abdomen. It was the degree and type of pain I experienced in each moment that told me everything I needed to know throughout, so I tend to look upon natural pain as a dear friend who at least once saved my life. (I'm the first, however, to avoid unnatural pain, which is to say that which is intentionally either self-inflicted or invited from another. :-D) In any case, all that aside, pain is one of the elements of birth that you must be prepared to handle in a manner appropriate to your desires in deciding whether or not to birth at home. If you feel you'll want to manage it right out of the picture, you might try training in one or some of the more in-depth self-management tools such as hypno-birthing, and adding a regular exercise routine (if you're not already using one), especially something like yoga that helps you attune all aspects of your being at the same time as it strengthens and increases the flexibility of your body. (I have used neither but have heard good things about both, though I'll grant you that each has it's naysayers as well.) If you feel you'll want stronger management or light mitigation through drugs you'll need at least a midwife in attendance, and if you'll want strong to complete (epidural) mitigation home birth is not for you. You'll want to be at least in a birthing center and perhaps in a hospital.
Another thing to consider is that home birth is rarely a popular decision. It will, however, clearly define for you who your friends and loved ones are. Those who care about you and know you well enough to know that your choices are made as an adult and with full knowledge of the requirements and implications will, even if they don't support you (and most folks likely won't), respect your decision. Those who don't respect your decisions have only their own interests at heart but can and sometimes will go to great lengths to interfere (or as some like to spell it, 'inter{ject}FEAR') with your process and your life. Know your rights and where they're violated (if they are; many give birth at home without ever encountering a problem) be prepared to choose what you'll stand firm on and what you'll release wisely and with grace.
Lastly, unless you choose to go it entirely alone, have a partner you know intimately and trust implictly. If you choose (a) professional attendant(s), find someone with whose philosophy you agree and with whom you feel very comfortable. Part of the reason for many in choosing home birth is having a degree of autonomy not found in hospitals and birthing centers. It's pointless to do all the work and preparation it takes to go through with this experience only to invite into the process a midwife who believes in intervention first, for instance, or who ties one down with monitors and exams if that's part of what one is wishing to do away with in one's experience. Decide what you want, and find someone who will work with you within your parameters. Your practitioner (if you choose to have one) is there to facilitate your birth experience, even if that means just being available in the very unlikely event that something goes wrong. If that's the kind of practitioner you desire, find one who works that way, i.e. will arrive when you call him or her and be willing to sit around doing nothing at all unless you feel you need assistance. If, however, you'd prefer him or her to have a more active role, find someone who matches that criteria. Home birth or not, you're the one who's going to be doing all the work here, so you need to decide how you'd like that to go and plan your experience accordingly (keeping in mind that birth, like life, doesn't read scripts :-D).
I'd love to hear from you again. Please let me know how things go for you and your family, and again, congratulations! Best to you all, whatever you choose. Take good care.
Love
Peace
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