Positive Reinforcement
Positive reinforcement works less well when it consists solely of telling someone how great they are and how wonderfully they're doing than when it's based in asking at appropriate times things like, "Are you okay?" and, "Do you need anything?"
The former approach allows no space or response for the inevitable times when a person isn't being great or doing wonderfully and introduces the potential for catastrophic breakdown when someone who's used to constant and unwavering praise is finally faced with reality. The latter, however, is a very simple version of the Socratic method that invites the person being reinforced to either acknowledge that they are indeed okay and/or don't need anything - thus cementing those ideas in their heads as their usual state of being - while at the same time offering an opening to say without shame when it's the case, "No, I'm not okay," and/or, "I could use some sugar/help/me-time/what-have-you," a skill that's advantageous to all of us when used appropriately and which many are sorely lacking (although as many are very good at weeping, wailing, and gnashing their teeth when they have no real grievances, but that's an issue to be addressed under 'negative reinforcement').
Asking rather than telling gives that person a chance to establish a habit and pattern of evaluating their own well-being and addressing their needs as they currently stand, reinforcing the positive mindset that they're capable of taking care of themselves even when that means getting some assistance, and that asking for something isn't a failure - unless it's done in an entitled manner - but a sometime necessity and perfectly acceptable under the right circumstances.
The former approach allows no space or response for the inevitable times when a person isn't being great or doing wonderfully and introduces the potential for catastrophic breakdown when someone who's used to constant and unwavering praise is finally faced with reality. The latter, however, is a very simple version of the Socratic method that invites the person being reinforced to either acknowledge that they are indeed okay and/or don't need anything - thus cementing those ideas in their heads as their usual state of being - while at the same time offering an opening to say without shame when it's the case, "No, I'm not okay," and/or, "I could use some sugar/help/me-time/what-have-you," a skill that's advantageous to all of us when used appropriately and which many are sorely lacking (although as many are very good at weeping, wailing, and gnashing their teeth when they have no real grievances, but that's an issue to be addressed under 'negative reinforcement').
Asking rather than telling gives that person a chance to establish a habit and pattern of evaluating their own well-being and addressing their needs as they currently stand, reinforcing the positive mindset that they're capable of taking care of themselves even when that means getting some assistance, and that asking for something isn't a failure - unless it's done in an entitled manner - but a sometime necessity and perfectly acceptable under the right circumstances.
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